So I recently read the book Click – https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7901640-click – and it was very ok. The high level concept in it is interesting, but you can get the idea of most of the book from this summary diagram at the end. So there is an interesting concept in here, but not that interesting of a book.
The idea of the book is to ask and answer the question: What makes people Click? “Clicking” here refers to making a quick connection. I think it’s an interesting idea. They identify a few key items that accelerate clicking: vulnerability, proximity, resonance, similarity, and safe place. And who are the people that are the “super-clickers” (I think that is my made-up term, not from the book)–these are the “high self-monitors,” the people who are very self aware, socially aware, and can be dynamic in social interactions.
Some of the ideas shared in the book are not that novel, but maybe provided a framework or a phrasing to an idea that sounds familiar. One of those is reflected in this quote: “That shared adversity , that sense of going through something difficult together , serves to bring people together in a unique and powerful way.”
In the book there are examples from people going to war, or a Navajo sweat lodge, or a difficult camping trip. I think this is a good observation. Overall, interesting idea, not too captivating of a book.
Notes and highlights for Click
Chapter 2 – The Vulnerable Hostage Negotiator and the Click Accelerators
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What are these five accelerators ? Vulnerability , proximity , resonance , similarity , and a safe place .
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The fourth level of interaction , what psychologists call gut – level statements , reveal our feeling – based perspective : “ I’m sad that you’re not here . ” “ I’m so glad that I have you in my life . ”
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Even with those we are closest to , though , we rarely venture into the fifth and most emotionally vulnerable level , what are called peak statements , where we share our innermost feelings , feelings that are deeply revealing and carry the most risk in terms of how the other person might respond .
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We can help to create magical connections simply by elevating the language we use from the phatic to the peak level .
Chapter 3 – The Power of Proximity
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But actually there’s tremendous power in these casual conversations and interactions . They create the social glue that enables the formation of deeper connections and relationships between people .
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As the exponential attraction theory would suggest , those teams that were physically close experienced much less task – specific conflict than the other teams .
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The members of the teams that were physically close were also much more likely to like one another — and they had a dramatically lower incidence of interpersonal
Chapter 4 – When Everything Clicks
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We call this state resonance . It results from an overwhelming sense of connection to our environment that deepens the quality of our interactions
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At its essence , Csikszentmihalyi found , flow requires mastery of a task and being adequately challenged .
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To overcome that , Welch needed to achieve the second component of resonance : a quality called presence .
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Because presence plays such an important role4 in the overall health of the patient , research in health care has uncovered four components that enable us to become present . The first of these is intentionality , which means entering an interaction with a sense of purpose and conscious awareness .
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The next component of presence is mutuality : being open and available to meet the other person where they are . Mutuality means focusing on the shared aspects of trust and honesty involved in the relationship , rather than giving advice or trying to solve a problem
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The third component , individuality , refers to being authentic and aware of our own genuine emotional reactions .
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Finally , presence requires attentiveness , demonstrating care through active involvement . Attentiveness is about actively listening , asking a person to elaborate , sharing our own reactions , and generally demonstrating to the other person that we’re an active participant in the interaction .
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To become present , we arrive with intention , we listen and mutually interact , and we remain in touch with our individual selves and attentive to the environment and those around us .
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if a joke doesn’t go right or if a heckler makes a snide comment or a waitress spills a tray of drinks , and that’s where the attention and energy of the crowd is — then you can’t ignore it . You have to react ; you have to seek resonance .
Chapter 5 – The Seductive Power of Similarity
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Why do certain situations — such as the first day or week of college — seem to engender quick – set intimacy ?
Chapter 6 – Fire, Combat, and Nathan’s Living Room: The Role of Place
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In industrialized countries such as the United States , Sweden , Germany , Canada , and New Zealand , rates of depression increased at an alarming rate , while in other places , such as South Korea and Puerto Rico , they remained stable .
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As South Korea has become more industrialized , the country has followed the same pattern that Klerman and Weissman observed earlier in industrialized Western countries . In country after country , when a society becomes industrialized , depression and suicide rates shoot up . Something about the process of industrialization is making people very unhappy .
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What is it about the process of a country becoming industrialized that leads to depression ?
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The industrialized workers were substantially more prone to suffer from depression than the group that performed manual labor .
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That shared adversity , that sense of going through something difficult together , serves to bring people together in a unique and powerful way .
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And yet this shared adversity served to bring people in the community together
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It involves exposing the kids to a challenging physical environment that includes long hikes and spartan living conditions .
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This concept of shared adversity7 is a key factor in bringing people together , and it has always been a strong component of Navajo society .
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The experience of men facing life – or – death situations together created unbreakable bonds . In other words , it didn’t matter what type of person went into combat — simply the fact that they faced combat together made the soldiers ’ bond stronger . It is one of the most emotionally charged experiences imaginable .
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A clearly defined or “ framed ” community is the second environmental factor that encourages a click . Inside the half dome of the sweat lodge , the outside world is excluded .
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In a way , Nathan’s house felt a lot like the inside of Wahpepah’s sweat lodge : you became part of an instant community that was very different from the world outside .
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A Finnish health survey conducted on thousands of employees from 2000 to 2003 revealed that those employees who had experienced a genuine sense of community at work were healthier psychologically .
Chapter 7 – Naturals
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Are we an expression of our innate personalities or a collection of learned behavioral responses ?
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In other words , some people are more prone to pick up on social cues and adjust how they act and how they are perceived by others . This distinction helps to explain why Dina Kaplan is so easy to connect with .
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A high self – monitor does all the work for us . Rather than trying to find common ground , he or she will meet us where we are . If we’re feeling excited and ebullient , the high self – monitor will act ebullient and energetic as well .
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Because they were so fluid and adaptable , high self – monitors always seemed to end up at the center of any social network they encountered . And they were able to do so remarkably quickly .
Chapter 8 – Personal Elevation
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In the work world , this is a crucial point . When assigning project teams , it’s tempting to keep relationships professional and separate business from pleasure . But those individuals who click , who have a natural connection with one another , are more likely to form a productive team .
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Those teams succeed not just because they get along but because of how they function when they don’t agree .
Conclusion: Bringing It All Together
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Similarity counts ; quantity trumps quality . It doesn’t really matter whether we share a first name , a birthday , a home state , or a rare fingerprint pattern — similarity can help to create an in – group dynamic that brings people together